Who loves public transportation? Raise yo' mf-in hand. Personally, I have
a strange love affair with it all...I'd take the bus to my toilet if they had a route that ran often enough. Budget cuts, homey, whaddya gonna do?
So today I'm writing about the bus...however, the same can be applied to the train, the ferry, the whatever-smells-and-packs-more-people-in-then-it-should-transport-vehicle. I love it...it's one of the few places on earth that brings together such a diverse group of people. Even concert- or ballgame-attendees have more in common than bus riders. A quick glance around and you'll see the crazy half-homeless guy who's sipping out of a paper bag and just might kill you (or barf on you)...over there is computer-IT geek reading his PC world...there's pseudo-intellectual hipster reading some Kafka or DeLillo...there's the fresh out of school cutie whose gum-snapping flares her limited world like a smoke signal...there's the grumpy old woman who mutters to 
herself, flickering her whiskers as she goes, there's the awkwardly fat woman who's self-conscious about taking up so much seat to whom you just wanna say, "I don't give a shit...you're cool, I'll squish on in." I love the [insert public transportation of choice]...
There are, however, some peculiarities. One of my favorites is the universal 
phenomenon that affects all public transit riders: the blank stare. I know that it's pretty unavoidable...but the fact that people spend 10+ minutes together, in such close quarters, without even looking at each other, is pretty funny. I'll admit, sometimes I'm obnoxious. If I'm not reading Kafka or DeLillo, I'll look around with a half-poop-eating grin on my face, just waiting to see if anybody else acknowledges me and sees the absurdity in the mindless avoidance...nobody does. Everybody just stares ahead..as if they're about to de-board and take a huge bite out of 
the first pedestrian-brain they see. Jesus, I know it's early in the morning people, but have a little moxy in you...work can't be that bad...can it?
So...I like to have fun on the bus...I really am fascinated by its unique place in
society. For instance, a couple of days ago, I pulled out my blackberry because I'm capitalist scum and noticed that the person next to me was glancing over my shoulder....oh heavens...mind starts racing...jackpot! I really don't blame her, the blackberry screen is the zombie-equivalent of something really attractive...but that's for another day. Given the captive 
audience, I quickly panned over my e-mail and sped with blackberry-like speed to Google, where I promptly entered, "e...a...t...i...n...g...m...o...n...k...e...y...f...e...c...e...s...d...i...s...e...a...s...e..". (not with all the ellipses, of course.) I laughed milk out of my nose on the inside. I'm 8 years old...it was great.
The other pleasure is watching people in their cars pass by, especially on Fridays. Some are singing with reckless abandon, some are with their SOs and don't look so fulfilled, some are on the phone looking all-important-and-what-not, and some are fat. I really like the singers...they make me feel good...even if the guy next to me is a gd suicide bomber.
Alright ladies and gents...it's been real.
May the wind be always at your back,
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