Them weakly

So, a couple of things first.  I've been getting some great compliments from you guys and I appreciate it...its nice to know that you're enjoying it and it simultaneously motivates me not to disappoint.  Kudos, I'm yours.   Also, please pass on to other like-minded people.

Also, as I write this, I'm descending into a paint-fume-induced hallucinatory state.  My abode is currently bathing itself in Benjamin Moore and I get a headache and a naked Indian shaman as an added bonus...not to mention life-defining colors like "Tawny Port", "Oat Straw" and "Egyptian Nile".  My apologies if things go off the rails.

Alright, well this week I'm snarking against what I believe to be an incredibly sad reflection of our society: the popularity of US Weekly and other mags of that ilk.  I'm not really sure who to be mad at, here.  The publishers? The celebrities?  Their whore mongers?  Given that I can't decide, I'm going to dissect all three.

The publishers:  Its hard for me to get too self-righteous about journalistic integrity with these guys...I mean they're exploiting a market need so god bless the US of A and all that shite.  However, I can make fun of them.  Can you imagine your job being to decide whose dress is the tackiest or which celebrity slut had the biggest night out?  Week in and week out?  They must be some of the biggest alcoholic, drug-addled train wrecks out there...I can't imagine anyone else who would take such passion in chronicling the hollywood starlet shit-show.  The thought of a young, rice-cake eating PA-type running around getting coffee at one of these places is enough for me to want to start a non-profit:  The Save the Rail Foundation. 

The celebrities:  This is not a tirade against all acclaimed purveyors of entertainment.  Obviously, I think entertainment adds a lot to our societal well-being.  While Wes Anderson's latest movie, The Darjeeling Limited, is a positive example (despite lackluster reviews...who do you trust, them or me?), the 100th Britney crotch-shot is not.  I'd be wasting my time if I tried to appeal to these girls senses...they ain't got none.  I can only hope that they get with L. Ron Hubbard soon and vanquish from the grocery check-out so I don't have to see how their bodyweight see-sawed since the last time I bought beans.  However, even if this current group does find Zoltan, there'll probably be a whole new batch to take their place.  Somewhere, in the mountains of Appalachia, Charlie Sheen and the "Cory's" are breeding militias of celebrity malcontents with Tara Reid and an army of what's-her-names...US Weekly's probably paying handsomely in eight-balls.         

The whore mongers:  Here's where I have to watch myself.  I know what most readers (educated females age 18 to 40 is my guess) say: "I know it's trash but it's just cheap entertainment...it's nice to read on a plane...I don't take it seriously...etc..."  Once upon a time that might've worked on me, but not anymore.  I understand that people need some cheap diversions in their life, but enough is enough.  When I go abroad and see Britney and Lindsay's latest exploits blared over some foreign language news station, I realize that these days, America's biggest export is celebrity gossip.  This makes me deeply, physically embarrassed.  We need to stop this ugliness from spreading.  By supporting this crapaganda the reader acts as a new kind of polluter, unknowingly littering pop-trash into the world's social environment.  I'm not particularly proud that the US is leading the charge and I think we need to stop this nonsense now.  If there's no demand, there's no supply.  Allow me to step up onto a really big horse and proclaim that the world has other things to deal with at the moment...there are people dying in the streets of Yangon, Baghdad and Western Sudan for chrissake...let's educate ourselves on that.

Alright, breathe funnel, breathe...fumes...hey there, Tawny Port...can you see the fire dancer?  Is that a talking corn dog? 

May the wind be always at your back,

   

Comments

[dre]

I <3 my celeb gossip rags. The reflection of celeb gossip on the good 'ol US of A bothers you more than that buffoon in the Oval Office?