The okay corral

I have something unnecessary to say about a small piece of corporate culture.  The "phenomenon", as I like to call it, brings with it a perplexing amount of excitement given its subpar benefit.  I'm talking about casual Friday and I'm here to rally against its fun-ness. 

I once bought-in to its promises of a new-fangled, laid back workplace.  When I was a younger, less-bearded professional, I oddly looked forward to wearing jeans on Friday...I saw it as a small victory against The Man.  "Hey cube mate, we're all wearing jeans.  Isn't that awesome?!"  Today, I sing a different tune.  I sing the tune that says, "who the f&^k cares?!" 

Jeans represent rebelliousness, they represent the cowboy, the bad-ass motorcycle gang-guy...not corporate America.    And are we really that much more comfortable given the fact that we still have to wear a starchy tucked-in shirt?  Personally, I'm a purist...I wear my jeans with a t-shirt.  Preferably a t-shirt that displays how clever I am.  Granted, I think women have an easier time with casual Friday than men because they don't have to tuck...or at least I don't think they tuck.  I don't really know how women dress but they look more comfortable.  Anyway, there's nothing I hate more than tucking a shirt into jeans.  It makes me feel like the biggest dork on the planet. 

There are those who choose to go with the untucked-dress-shirt look. I don't think this is a good idea...it usually makes them look like they got roughed up and wedgied by the janitor in the bathroom, which is not very good for your professional aspirations.  Thus, you pretty much have to tuck and that's what really tans my hide.  Some, totally imaginary people say, "yeah, but cowboys tuck in their shirt, funnelhead...and you like cowboys, right?"  True, but cowboys also wear bad-ass belt buckles and smell like whiskey and prostitutes.  Besides, they have to tuck in their shirts in order to comfortably cradle their Smith & Wesson.  This makes sense to me.  There's really no corollary to the six-shooter in corporate America...unless you're a postal worker (insert clown horn or cymbal crash here).  Perhaps a Black Berry?  Shooting off e-mails at corporate rascally sheriffs?  Maybe...but there's no way I would "cradle" that thing down my pants.  I want to have kids someday.  Not have them, really, but sire them.  And they will be cool kids with rad t-shirts on and mohawks. 

But I digress...back to my point, which is...my discomfort with the dichotomy of the jean/nice shirt ensemble.  From behind my desk, I'm  Mr. Professional.  When I get up, I'm a cutting edge innovator who doesn't give a rat's ass about your corporate perspective, man.  I'm not buying it.  The hard, completely unnecessary truth is that I need to be in a t-shirt to feel comfortable and thus innovate.  That's just the way it is.  Corporate gods, if you want some Apple-like innovation up in this piece, let me wear a t-shirt with my jeans or cancel these ridiculous casual Fridays.  We'll call it iCasual Friday.  Get it?

May the wind be always at your back.