Emasculation by exclamation

Ah...the almighty "message".  In these heady days of e-mail, text and IM, the simple message, with its to-the-point conveyance, has become increasingly vital.  Being a fan of simplicity and words, I like this trend...a little bit.  Sometimes a , "Hey, can you buy me some ringworm ointment?" is the perfect message communicated with perfect convenience.  However, the "Hey, I think you should stop using(heroin)...:(." message is probably not the best use of this nifty time-saving way to communicate.  That said, the message is a great thing and I generally condone its use.

However, use of the message is not without its pitfalls.  In particular, there's a silent and deadly assassin within the message world that I hope to expose for all the word to see.  I'm talking about the exclamation point and its homicidal rampage against masculinity.  Ladies, this is not really aimed at you.  You're safe.  Feel free to use this grammatical convention as often and emphatically as you like.  Sprinkle some in your soup or dash behind your ears before going out if you'd like.  It suits you...makes you appear more enthusiastic and excited and that's generally a good thing.  That's not sexist, is it?  Guys, on the other hand?...listen up.

You must be extra judicious with your use of the "point".  Handle with care as its overuse could, over time, erode your masculinity and cause you to subscribe to US Weekly and host Gray's parties.  Now, to be perfectly honest, I'm no model of machismo.  Quite the contrary...I "eat right", I condition (sometimes), I occasionally wear $200 jeans, I own some face moisturizer, I wear lipstick (all the time.)  Hell, I'm a proud and regular practitioner of Yoga...I'm hardly uninfluenced by the emasculation of the American male.  However, the exclamation point is where I draw the line.  It's overuse in messaging portrays an excitability that is the written equivalent of donning pom-poms and giving everybody an "A!".  You might as well take a sharpened scythe to your undercarriage.   

I know, I know...it's not always easy to refrain from it's use.  That is why I've come up with these two easy principles to live by:

Messages to females and children:  You are generally allowed one exclamation point per message or one for every 10 minutes of IM conversation.  The same applies for emoticons, but if you're using emoticons, they'd better be cool ones.  Smiley faces are not allowed...ever.

Messages to other males:  You are generally not allowed to use an exclamation point or emoticon when writing to other males.  The only exceptions are when you are conveying something that is intended to be shouted.  For instance, "Go Bears!" or "You're a douche!" are acceptable.  "See you later!" is not.

So, it's really that simple.  If you follow these two rules, you should be able to make it through this message-crazed world with your cajones intact.

May the wind be always at your back!!!............... : )

Comments

[sam]

"Smiley faces are not allowed...ever"

"May the wind be always at your back!!!............... : ) "

Please clarify the use of above smiley. If I'm to fashion my life after every word written here it would be nice to know.